He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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