I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
