I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
