I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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