Pappa wants mamma naked
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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