the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I want a musical about memes.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
