I wanna passion pit in your ass
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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