are you so shy because you have an std?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
