No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Your dad touched me again.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can I color on your dick again?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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