Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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