There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize