Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hellâ€.
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