I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
