You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize