Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
