we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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