just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
