I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
