Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
