hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Girls should come with a carfax report
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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