I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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