hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
