I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
