Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm having to shit out rocks
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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