remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
