he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
