i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
