My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
