he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
why do cheetos always look like penises
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize