if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
