What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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