Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
