what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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