he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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