I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
