he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
