he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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