Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
