i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
