It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
