I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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