mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
