At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
