so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
