you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
