never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I could fuck to npr.
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