dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
