It's like a parade of train wrecks.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize