I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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