So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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