i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
