he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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