whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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