he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
