Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
