So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
