just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The air was thick with penises
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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