I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
