I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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