i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I will be naked everywhere
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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