dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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