It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
