it wasn't lemon gatorade
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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