I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
